Retirement Humor Appreciator Gifts

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

Pensioners - Old ink Pens at the park sitting and walking

"My bottom went to sleep."

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

Old fly...retirement home.

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

'How do you send text messages?'

'The Retirement Village Blacksmith.'

'Narcissism Helpline. How can you be of assistance?'

'How can I put this... My bladder is not what you'd call a 'control freak'.'

"This says you're only 54. We need to cart you down to the rec center for questioning."

Pensioner being chased up stair lift by pensioners.

"I'm sitting here going over all my troubles in my mind..."

"I've given up the ghost"

'Grandma said the only thing you like to draw is your pension!'