Retirement Humor Appreciators Gifts

Pensioners - Old ink Pens at the park sitting and walking

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we have to be content with staring at the radio.'

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

'This IS our retirement plan.'

"My bottom went to sleep."

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

Old fly...retirement home.

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

'The Retirement Village Blacksmith.'

'My Dad just retired, and now he wants me to give him an allowance.'

Pensioner being chased up stair lift by pensioners.

"Sorry 008, nothing for you again..."

'The Ladies Home Auxiliary claims responsibility.'

'Did we ever hit menopause?'

'You're retired, Rufus. No more sniffing out drugs, remember?'

'Grandma said the only thing you like to draw is your pension!'

"Who gets Meals on Wheels?"

'What did they give you - a gold watch or a cheque?'

"Since he retired I like to keep in handy around the house."