Retirement Home Humor Gifts

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Pensioners - Old ink Pens at the park sitting and walking

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

'This IS our retirement plan.'

"My bottom went to sleep."

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

'There's no talking to him when he's like this.'

"April Fool's on her!"

'Yes, I'm sure they'll let you watch your soap operas, grandma.'

'I can't wait to tell the vet what a great mouser you are.'

Do you know why the kitchen ceiling is dripping?

Old fly...retirement home.

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

'The Retirement Village Blacksmith.'

"Oh, and remember to roll up the rug the other way when you're done so it'll lie flat again."

Oap recruitment.

THERE IS A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE... WHERE IS THE CAT?

'The Ladies Home Auxiliary claims responsibility.'

"Who gets Meals on Wheels?"

Pensioner being chased up stair lift by pensioners.

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

"This says you're only 54. We need to cart you down to the rec center for questioning."

"I'm sitting here going over all my troubles in my mind..."