Retirement Home Comedian Gifts

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

Happy Brithday

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Last night we watched three movies back to back. I was the one facing the telly."

Things to do while you're stuck at home during the coronavirus crisis."

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

'I DO NOT pamper the dog - Now get out of his chair!'

Stay at Home Yellowstone.

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Snowman in the Freezer.

"My bottom went to sleep."

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

'Yes, I'm sure they'll let you watch your soap operas, grandma.'

"When people talk about a 'staycation' this isn't what they mean!"

You Must Be This Tall - To Have An Opinion

Taggers rest retirement village

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'