Retirement Humorist Gifts

Frosty's Retirement Plan

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"I'm semi-retired. That means I limit my information intake to texting Tuesdays and phone Fridays."

'Sex is like insurance...the older I get the more it costs.'

'Before this arthritis hit me, I was a top-of-the-line pickpocket. Now I can only steal from penny loafers.'

"Since he retired I like to keep in handy around the house."

When scientists come out of retirement.

"I'm retired, but I like to keep my hand in."

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

'My Dad just retired, and now he wants me to give him an allowance.'

"I've given up the ghost"

'What did they give you - a gold watch or a cheque?'

'Grandma said the only thing you like to draw is your pension!'

'Did we ever hit menopause?'

'I'm writing my diaries.' 'Neither am I.'

"Sorry 008, nothing for you again..."

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Yours is adjustable?"

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"My, it feels good to sit down."

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"He's got a man cave, a work cave, and a cave cave."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"