Retirement Comedian Gifts

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Toothless Meal

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Oh U! The German Periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

Bear Market

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

Old People Whisperer

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Old fly...retirement home.

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

'The Retirement Village Blacksmith.'

"He's angry about getting old."

Broadwalk Betrayal