Retirement Satirist Gifts

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

Dolestart - A New Initiative

The camouflage in vietnam was more comfortable

'Prolonged sitting leads to death? What's up with that?'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'Job satisfaction is up, because there are fewer jobs.'

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'

"My youngest is at the age when she can barely comprehend cost effective analysis."

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

"This job starts out at $50,000 and tops out at $75,000 after three years."

No, Dad, they didn't give me a key to the 'executive washroom' with my promotion. These days you get the pin number to the unisex lounge.

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

Old Pope's Home

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'How many calories do you burn by downloading apps?'

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

Bear Market

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

Old fly...retirement home.

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

Hague Convention Defied! Lachrymosing the British by Onion-whittling under Cover of Night.

"Have you considered the option of being chopped up into small pieces and chargrilled in a mid range restaurant?"

"My social security number is one."

"I see myself in a position where mediocrity is rewarded."

'The Retirement Village Blacksmith.'

'Actually, I learned a lot in college, but there are very few job openings out there for expert beer drinkers.'

"Who gets Meals on Wheels?"

"I've given up the ghost"

'What did they give you - a gold watch or a cheque?'