Humorous Retiree Gifts

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

To make taking their daily array of medicines more fun, many seniors are using the new Pill-A-Pult.

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

A moment with retired entomologist, Norman 'the torch' Walthrop.

At the Old Bikers' Home

Goodbye Party Today - Prof Whiley is Retiring to Spend More Time with his Inner Child.

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"My bottom went to sleep."

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

"Since Ronnie retired, I like to keep him busy with plenty of activities."

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

'At the Old Players' Home. . .

"You've lost a little weight since your last physical, but you're also two inches shorter."

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

'The Retirement Village Blacksmith.'

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

Pensioner being chased up stair lift by pensioners.

"This says you're only 54. We need to cart you down to the rec center for questioning."

"I'm sitting here going over all my troubles in my mind..."

"I've given up the ghost"