Humorous Retiree Gifts

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"That's not what I meant when I suggested rocking on the porch, Mr. Clampwell."

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

To make taking their daily array of medicines more fun, many seniors are using the new Pill-A-Pult.

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

When scientists come out of retirement.

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

A moment with retired entomologist, Norman 'the torch' Walthrop.

"My bottom went to sleep."

Goodbye Party Today - Prof Whiley is Retiring to Spend More Time with his Inner Child.

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

At the Old Bikers' Home

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'Hot dang! Ethel, check out Raymond's new twenty-twos!'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

"Since Ronnie retired, I like to keep him busy with plenty of activities."

'At the Old Players' Home. . .

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

"You've lost a little weight since your last physical, but you're also two inches shorter."

'The Retirement Village Blacksmith.'

"It's mostly my medications and adjustable mattress."

Pensioner being chased up stair lift by pensioners.

'My Dad just retired, and now he wants me to give him an allowance.'

"This says you're only 54. We need to cart you down to the rec center for questioning."