Retirement Home Humorist Gifts

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

'The Ladies Home Auxiliary claims responsibility.'

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

Pensioner being chased up stair lift by pensioners.

No Hoodies

"This says you're only 54. We need to cart you down to the rec center for questioning."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Carpet Cows

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

"That's not what I meant when I suggested rocking on the porch, Mr. Clampwell."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

When scientists come out of retirement.

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"You rang?"

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'But this IS my mobile home!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."