Retirement Home Humorist Pillows

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

'The Ladies Home Auxiliary claims responsibility.'

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

Pensioner being chased up stair lift by pensioners.

No Hoodies

"This says you're only 54. We need to cart you down to the rec center for questioning."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Carpet Cows

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"You rang?"

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

'But this IS my mobile home!'

"Okay, I get the message."

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

"I bought this awesome wonder bra."

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."