Retirement Planner Humorist Gifts

Bear Market

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

A signaller directing pallbearers

When scientists come out of retirement.

"If anyone thinks the bride could do better, speak now or..."

Dad said that if he's paying for the wedding, he's entitled to a little something.

"Has anybody seen the groom?"

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

'This IS our retirement plan.'

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'I'm practicing carrying you over the threshold for our honeymoon night.'

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

I see they're going for the traditional festivities.

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

"If you're so good, why are you still working?"

'Daddy! For the last time, this is my wedding, not a 'spin-off'!'

It was his final wish.

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

Boy giving mistletoe to friend

'There is always the chance that you won't be invited.'

Old fly...retirement home.

'The Retirement Village Blacksmith.'

'Marriage licenses are $10. and up. Do remember that you get what you pay for.'

'His idea of planning for the future is buying two cases of beer.'

"I'm sitting here going over all my troubles in my mind..."

"If anyone objects to this 'cut price' wedding, let him speak now or call at weekend cheap rate."

'Grandma said the only thing you like to draw is your pension!'

'What did they give you - a gold watch or a cheque?'