Financial Planner With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

'His idea of planning for the future is buying two cases of beer.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'Then the king rewrote the tax code so everyone could understand it, and all the CPAs went out of business.'

"Speculators found it was a bear market so they decided to hibernate."

"You never express your emotions. You're very blank."

Royal Mail Privatisation

'If money doesn't grown on trees why do banks have so many branches?'

'This IS our retirement plan.'

"Yeah, yeah, you can do a nice mating-dance, but I need to see a bank statement..."

"We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate."

"I've hidden my nuts in an offshore forest."

Have Your Cards Read Here

''Tax Loopholes for the Rich and Famous' was filmed before a live audience of IRS auditors.'

'And the largest slice is mine.'

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

Sadie, you've refused for a decade to discuss your finances with me. That's fine. But we should make provisions in case something … in case … Tell me nothing will ever happen to us!!! Part of every death planning session is a glimpse into the raw terror of it all. We'll live to argue forever, Snookums.

Bear Market

'Got any advice?' - 'Yes, stand up straight, you're slouching.'

"I'm afraid you're overdrawn."

"Oh, not much...just laundering the bank's money."

Cinema. Saving Mr. Banks. I thought it was going to be about the financial sector bailout.

"I couldn't afford the gas for my car, so I robbed a bank but the police caught me because my car was out of gas."

'And now I would like to depart from my prepared text...'

'You know, what we need to turn this around is...a rumor.'

"We need a little more collateral than, 'cross my heart and wish to die.'"