Financial Planner's Chuckle Gifts

"Will this be cash or consumer debt?"

British savings accounts

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

Out of control

"At least we're consistent ... "

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

The Decline of the Euro.

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

Budget Cuts

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

"I don't recall ever hearing the stockholders speak with such a unified voice as they did today!"

'Business is very good. We'll soon be moving to smaller premises.'

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'