Financial Planner Humor Gifts

'It's tough living on a fixed income.'

"If you want to maintain your standard of living after retirement, you should really consider a personal pension."

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

"At least we're consistent ... "

Out of control

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

The Decline of the Euro.

In case of falling markets break glass.

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

Federal Guidelines

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

Budget Cuts

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."