Financial Planner Humor Gifts

'It's tough living on a fixed income.'

"If you want to maintain your standard of living after retirement, you should really consider a personal pension."

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

"At least we're consistent ... "

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

The Decline of the Euro.

In case of falling markets break glass.

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

Federal Guidelines

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"