Financial Planner's Chuckle Prints

"Will this be cash or consumer debt?"

British savings accounts

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

"At least we're consistent ... "

Out of control

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

The Decline of the Euro.

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

'Due to current market conditions, I'm recommending that my clients invest heavily into pain medication companies.'

Ireland and its Celtic Tiger request some donations

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

Budget Cuts

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

Who's taken the third quarter?

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'This rebate check isn't big enough for both of us.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."