Financial Planner With A Sense Of Humor Prints

'His idea of planning for the future is buying two cases of beer.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Simply put, we are on our ninth life!'

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'That's all there is in my college fund? That won't even buy the beer!'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

'I'm balancing the books...you are out'

'You're addicted to big bonuses. But the good news is there's a patch to treat that.'

'Then the king rewrote the tax code so everyone could understand it, and all the CPAs went out of business.'

"Speculators found it was a bear market so they decided to hibernate."

Royal Mail Privatisation

"You never express your emotions. You're very blank."

'This IS our retirement plan.'

'If money doesn't grown on trees why do banks have so many branches?'

"We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate."

Have Your Cards Read Here

'And the largest slice is mine.'

''Tax Loopholes for the Rich and Famous' was filmed before a live audience of IRS auditors.'

"Yeah, yeah, you can do a nice mating-dance, but I need to see a bank statement..."

'In the eventuality of a double dip...'

"I've hidden my nuts in an offshore forest."

Bear Market

"Oh, not much...just laundering the bank's money."

'Got any advice?' - 'Yes, stand up straight, you're slouching.'

"I'm afraid you're overdrawn."

"I couldn't afford the gas for my car, so I robbed a bank but the police caught me because my car was out of gas."

'And now I would like to depart from my prepared text...'

'You know, what we need to turn this around is...a rumor.'

"We need a little more collateral than, 'cross my heart and wish to die.'"

'Cold weather doesn't bother me - I just think about April 15th and start to sweat.'