Pension Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'No we do not pay in advance.'

"Why bother?"

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

'Oh my - hasn't he grown!'

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

"Scary stuff, but I'm not sure the world is ready for the unexpurgated story of life as a pensions adviser!"

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

"Let the minutes show we're not taking the pension fund and putting it all on the 2.30 at Newmarket."

'You are always living in the past!'

"Change down you fool! You can't hit a hairpin at that speed!"

"My bottom went to sleep."

Happy Retirement

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'This IS our retirement plan.'

"It's the Florida kid."

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

"The technical aspects of the 'dashboard' are mainly resolved. Now we just have to sort out the peripheral services."

"It's ridiculous to claim that we've been rewarding investment managers foolishly!"

"The pensions industry needs to dramatically improve the way we communicate with customers."

Bear Market

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

Old fly...retirement home.

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

"Kick me"

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"Plan B was to supplement my retirement income as a party clown, and that brings me to my loan application."

Chasing Pensions

"No, Mr. Phelps, I have no idea where your pension went."

"We explained to the Minister that pension management fees were incredibly complex..."

'Looks like the trust my money is in isn't blind, but it is short sighted.'

'Her pension fund must of collapsed like ours did.'

"I said, my testicles are cold." "That's because they're in the dog's water bowl again."

"Oh no! It's another lecture on his pension contributions!"