Pensioner Humorist Gifts

"Change down you fool! You can't hit a hairpin at that speed!"

'Oh my - hasn't he grown!'

Supreme Court Juges: Today's another pensionable day!

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Does this mean you won't be coming back on Monday?'

'I load on the job all the time so I figure it's not really 'earned' income.'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

Angst - Zeitgeist.

"The bailouts are nice but my retirement remains finding drugs that washed up on the beach."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"Big choices today Mr. retired board of directors. 2 ply or 3 ply?"

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Bad luck Harry, they've just raised the retirement age.'

'And so, Ladies and Germs, I conclude that we must promote homeopathy! This may be our best chance to wipe out the human race since the glory days of the Black Plague.'

'Is this seat saved?' Fundamentalism Gone Awry.

Bad times for retirees.

"You look good for your age."

'I've become resistant to antibiotics, but what I dread is a shot of whisky in a cup of hot tea.'

'I'll teach that social security computer a few things!'

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

Retirement Age