Pensioner Humorist Pillows

"Change down you fool! You can't hit a hairpin at that speed!"

'Oh my - hasn't he grown!'

Supreme Court Juges: Today's another pensionable day!

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Does this mean you won't be coming back on Monday?'

'I load on the job all the time so I figure it's not really 'earned' income.'

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"The bailouts are nice but my retirement remains finding drugs that washed up on the beach."

"Big choices today Mr. retired board of directors. 2 ply or 3 ply?"

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

'Bad luck Harry, they've just raised the retirement age.'

Angst - Zeitgeist.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'And so, Ladies and Germs, I conclude that we must promote homeopathy! This may be our best chance to wipe out the human race since the glory days of the Black Plague.'

Bad times for retirees.

'I've become resistant to antibiotics, but what I dread is a shot of whisky in a cup of hot tea.'

"You look good for your age."

'I'll teach that social security computer a few things!'

'Think he'll ever spring for the bowl?'

Retirement Age

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

"I'm retired now"