Patience Humorist Pillows

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'Hold on a minute with that stuff! That 'infestation' just happens to be your kids on a Saturday morning!'

This is our 36th nap today - I can't read you a bedtime story EVERY time.

"Remember, if you enjoy this intercourse, don't forget to 'like and subscribe'."

'I hear you can tell how big they will get by the size of their feet.'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

Snail crossing

'Oh look Julia, he's just text me his first word.'

'I dressed myself.'

"Sure, Mom's eager to get us back to school, but she could have stopped the car!"

'What? Didn't your parents ever tell you who delivers babies???'

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

"Today we practiced counting to five, and the teacher practiced counting to ten."

"I have a high tolerance for tedium."

Fishing Arizona- waiting for a flash flood

Waiting For Godot And The Cable Guy

"Three junior meals and a vasectomy, please."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

National Mom Monument.

I heard you've to an awful, mysterious pain in the side of your face. Yeah. You can try the modern approach, drug yourself silly so you don't feel the pain. You know a better way, Sadie? Well, in your case, I'd suggest going with the tried and true cure-all: Drill a hole in your head to let out the demons. No need. You're already out. That's ... Well-played, nemesis. Well-played.

Hairy father with a bald baby.

Baby Clothes.

"The only time I have fun in bed is when he gets cramp."

"I help as much as I can with the baby: I'm always the first to smell when the baby needs changing..."

"Dad, I'm water hungry."

'It's so I don't lose the kids in the long grass...'

"Can I borrow the car and the last four digits of your social...?"

'Looks like he'd been watching the kettle boil... Poor fool.'