Impatience Humorists Pillows

No Presents Until Christmas Day

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'Melvin, you're trying my patience.'

'He has his father's feet.'

Clancy Strip:At a Restaurant

"Your aunt has bequeathed to you her collection of toilet paper, soap and towels from 385 hotels from all over the world."

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"I hate waiting, don't you?" (patents office)

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

Safe harbour

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I find that unemployment helps keep me humble.'

'... and to my yoga instructor, I leave my entire body.'

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

Love is being close, no matter what...

'...and to my darling little pussycat, Tiddles, I leave my budgerigar, two white mice and four goldfish.'

"Excluding our little granddaughter who calls me 'horrible old smellypops!'"

'The good news is that you've inherited something from your father. The bad news is, it's his huge nose.'

". . . and I leave my whole estate to my one true companion, public radio."

'Sorry about that, guys! OK! So when do we launch?'

Pre-minstrel Tension.

'My magician uncle left it to me in his will.'

"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important - we're not putting labels on it right now!"

"My Father's left me half his estate."

Horror film

"And to whom do you wish to leave the bulk of your estate, sir?"

'Brother Jerome has a problem with humility, but he can't bring himself to admit it.'

'There's one other thing. Your Aunt left you this, it's a nasty aftertaste.'

'Your father didn't exactly leave his brain to science. He left it to his psychiatrist to settle an outstanding bill.'

'The good news is, your heirs won't be fighting over your will for awhile.'