Impatience Humorists Gifts

No Presents Until Christmas Day

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

'Melvin, you're trying my patience.'

'He has his father's feet.'

Clancy Strip:At a Restaurant

"Your aunt has bequeathed to you her collection of toilet paper, soap and towels from 385 hotels from all over the world."

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

'As you know, your father liked the sport of Boxing...'

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"I hate waiting, don't you?" (patents office)

'Your Great Uncle has left you all his money in this family heirloom!'

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

'... and to my yoga instructor, I leave my entire body.'

Safe harbour

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I find that unemployment helps keep me humble.'

'...and to my darling little pussycat, Tiddles, I leave my budgerigar, two white mice and four goldfish.'

Love is being close, no matter what...

'The good news is that you've inherited something from your father. The bad news is, it's his huge nose.'

"Excluding our little granddaughter who calls me 'horrible old smellypops!'"

". . . and I leave my whole estate to my one true companion, public radio."

'Sorry about that, guys! OK! So when do we launch?'

Pre-minstrel Tension.

'My magician uncle left it to me in his will.'

"My Father's left me half his estate."

"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important - we're not putting labels on it right now!"

Horror film

"And to whom do you wish to leave the bulk of your estate, sir?"

'Brother Jerome has a problem with humility, but he can't bring himself to admit it.'

'I'm afraid that all Frosty left in his will is a carrot and a few pieces of coal.'

'Your father didn't exactly leave his brain to science. He left it to his psychiatrist to settle an outstanding bill.'

'There's one other thing. Your Aunt left you this, it's a nasty aftertaste.'