Impatience Humorist Gifts

Human Cull: People who spend 10 minutes in line for food and only read the menu to make up their mind when they get to the front.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

'Melvin, you're trying my patience.'

Clancy Strip:At a Restaurant

'Sorry son, I bought you an ice-cream at the corner shop, but it melted on the way home...'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"It's not the walking — it's the waiting."

"I hate waiting, don't you?" (patents office)

"Since I heard there was a monster I can't sleep at night!"

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

'Thank you for the job offer, sir, but I find that unemployment helps keep me humble.'

Steak Lovers.

Racers' Gate.

'Don't worry! They're vegetarian!'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

'Sorry about that, guys! OK! So when do we launch?'

Horror film

No Presents Until Christmas Day

'Brother Jerome has a problem with humility, but he can't bring himself to admit it.'

"If anything happens, Janice, I love you."

"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important - we're not putting labels on it right now!"

Crossed fingers on a sign for the operating room.

"Surprising me- that's your life's work."

The speediness of today's world and its logical conclusion.

"I'm not sure what that feels like."

"I am so past enlightenment."

'it's the local bank manager.'

"... I CAN'T be 'at risk for a heart attack,' I never exert myself!"

"If this is going to take long, is there some place I can charge my phone?"

'You're early.'

Hope