Germ Humorists Gifts

"I picked this up from the humans. . . two metre gap. . . gives us a much wider spread."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

Newton discovers surrealism

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

'And so, Ladies and Germs, I conclude that we must promote homeopathy! This may be our best chance to wipe out the human race since the glory days of the Black Plague.'

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

Angst - Zeitgeist.

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

Annuals, Perennials, Centennials, Millennials

'This is a first Mr Cowbird. You've contracted mad cow disase and the bird flu!'

Robot porn.

'I've become resistant to antibiotics, but what I dread is a shot of whisky in a cup of hot tea.'

"Relax kid, you're going to be for awhile."

"Remember always power up you machine clockwise"

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

Eggs That Were Anagarms In Past Lives -'Unscramble Me'.

Online articles are fine, but I miss being annoyed by the fragrance sample cards in print magazines.

'I sculpt what I see, Miss Delsey.'

"Stay back. I don't know what he's got, but I'm afraid it's catching."

Sign on shop: Headquarters: 'Business People for Peace'. Man walks out of shop wearing t-shirt with slogan 'Make money not war'.