Germ Humorist Gifts

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'I've become resistant to antibiotics, but what I dread is a shot of whisky in a cup of hot tea.'

Nah, not up to much – just got let go by a sneeze, so I'm between bodies.

'And so, Ladies and Germs, I conclude that we must promote homeopathy! This may be our best chance to wipe out the human race since the glory days of the Black Plague.'

'Now don't you go worrying about it. It's only communicable to children!'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

Glance Exchange

Atomic Bear: Part 21

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"It's just a tree."

"How about a hand."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'The Lemming Book Store'

Self Help / Elf Help.

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'You can't come in here with that.'

"I cross the road to forget."