Unique Humorist Gifts

'Do the patches help?'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Football Chameleon

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"The Eggsorcist"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

Science fiction fans on other planets

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

Champagne at the hunt

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

'He followed me home. Can I keep him, mum? Can I?'

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

Come back in, no one will laugh at you.