Pensioner With Punchlines Gifts

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

'Oh my - hasn't he grown!'

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"He was just a year away from retirement."

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"Big choices today Mr. retired board of directors. 2 ply or 3 ply?"

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Bad luck Harry, they've just raised the retirement age.'

"The bailouts are nice but my retirement remains finding drugs that washed up on the beach."

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

Bad times for retirees.

"You look good for your age."

'I'll teach that social security computer a few things!'

Retirement Age

"Look, Honey! No teeth!"

"Let the minutes show we're not taking the pension fund and putting it all on the 2.30 at Newmarket."

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

"Change down you fool! You can't hit a hairpin at that speed!"