Pension Prankster Gifts

'We're both collecting Social Security. But my husband supplements our income by losing money in the stock market.'

'He's not as studious as he looks - his backpack is full of comic books.'

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"Oh no, it's gone in that silly little hole again."

Hole in forty-seven.

"I'm in here...reallocating Dad's retirement account into junk bonds."

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"That sweet raise everybody's been excited about is finally here. Enjoy it!"

Driver sees man in front of church with sign: 'Fell Asleep and Wet the Pew': 'Huh - a church that's into public shaming.'

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'I warned: Play a sloppy game and, come Monday, there will be hell to pay during practice.'

"Mrs. Oliphant, what is the company policy on our company policy?"

"Show-off!"

"Uh, don't you think you're taking this bay-talk a little too far?"

Placebo Clinic: 'Mr Yomp, someone who may or may not be a doctor, will see you now...'

Politics Books

"Kevin gerrymandered our room again!!"

'The bank want to be sure that I don't vanish and forget the loan repayment...'

"I'm not a rule breaker, but the no eye blinking is going to be a tough one."

'There! Did you feel him kick?'

Women Golfers

"By the way, your insurance doesn't cover these tests...JUST KIDDING! That was the stress test."

'Does it have a little red dot on it?'

'The numbers should look better this quarter since they've been photoshopped.'

'Leadership challenge? No chance!'

'Insure your desert island for as little as.....'

'Ok, how many hours of community service for Murder One?'

"The combined total of major-league batting averages was down three and a half points today. Outs outnumbered hits four to one, on a total of fourteen hundred at-bats."

"It's a real pleasure to do business with you..."

'Right, now put it all in my savings account.'