Pension Enthusiast Gifts

"Save for retirement now while you're still young, hot lean and sexy..."The voice of reason makes an obscene phone call.

Chasing Pensions

'Looks like the trust my money is in isn't blind, but it is short sighted.'

"It's not all bad, I've crunched the numbers and figure you can retire when you're 238."

"Spoiler alert! It would seem you've entered your golden years without any gold."

Of course not all 2000 of them will be full-time, some of them will just be popping in occasionally to collect their pensions...

"Scary stuff, but I'm not sure the world is ready for the unexpurgated story of life as a pensions adviser!"

"The pensions industry needs to dramatically improve the way we communicate with customers."

'Have you considered early retirement?'

'Money can't buy you hapiness. You also need a good tracker fund and a decent pension scheme.'

Retirement.

"Oh no! It's another lecture on his pension contributions!"

"Plan B was to supplement my retirement income as a party clown, and that brings me to my loan application."

"The technical aspects of the 'dashboard' are mainly resolved. Now we just have to sort out the peripheral services."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

"A 12 month tour of the USA costs us less than staying at home for a year."

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

Department of Work and No Pension

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

Dick rode through the night, the job offer to become a Pension Investment Opportunities Advisor was just too good to miss.

'Whether I work in the public or private sector, save my retirement benefits.'

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

'Shady Acres Nursing Home - Stockbroker on duty in case social security is privatized.'