Retirement Planner Enthusiast Gifts

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

"If you're so good, why are you still working?"

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

"I'm now too old to produce milk, and I can't afford to retire as yet, so I've had to diversify..."

Frosty, the Golden Years

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

"Can't imagine retiring. It's bad enough being semi-retired."

Do not resuscitate.

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

"My schedule is just nuts."

"Rapunzel? She bought a time-share in Costa Rica. I'm Larry."

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."