Retirement Planner Enthusiast Gifts

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

"If you're so good, why are you still working?"

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Try not to think of them just as a 'customer' but rather as your only chance of paying your mortgage and putting food on your plate."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Frosty, the Golden Years

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

"I'm now too old to produce milk, and I can't afford to retire as yet, so I've had to diversify..."

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

Do not resuscitate.

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"Can't imagine retiring. It's bad enough being semi-retired."

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

"My schedule is just nuts."

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."

'Our 401(k) is now a 201(k).'