Retirement Planners Gifts

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'75% of our resources are taken up dealing with the aged and infirm...and that's just the staff!'

"Sorry, Dad, but it's time to consider a retirement kingdom."

'Hi Dad. How's it going?' - 'Cruise? What cruise?! You've just been on a cruise!!!' - 'Gah! My beautiful inheritance... melting like a tiny novelty ice cube in the cocktail of my parents' retirement...' -

'I started school at age six and I'm done with it at age 16. I think that after spending 62,5% of my entire life at work I've got the right to retire.'

A Recent Study Shows...9 out of 10 teachers will work through retirement.

'Its equipped with an air cushion in case I fall asleep!'

Couple in bed with health charts

"We've been up here forty-three years - Maybe we SHOULD start looking into retirement homes."

"Are we old enough to consider a cruise, yet?"

Guide to making your undead years your best years.

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Social Security: Spin Here - Investment Indicator

"As a foolproof retirement plan hoping that one of the Kardashians falls for you might be a little optimistic."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'