Retirement Consultant Gifts

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

'Anything besides the three lotto tickets?'

"The French are at it again...They're resisting changes to retirement ages by taking to the streets and rioting!"

"You've got the weekend, have a set of draft proposals on my desk by Monday."

"It's a great feeling to be able to give someone good news for a change..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Good news is that as mayflies we don't need to think about retirement plans!"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Be Healthy

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

401K

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

"I'm now too old to produce milk, and I can't afford to retire as yet, so I've had to diversify..."

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

Frosty, the Golden Years

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."