Retirement Planning Gifts

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

'How late do you expect to be working?'

'Now, if we stick to our financial plan, I can retire at 55 and you at 87.'

'What's that noise?'

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'Have you thought about aging slower? Your 401(k) is in terrible shape.'

Unusual Retirement Plans

'I'm just saying, if our income is 'fixed', how come we're 'broke'?'

"You have to think long-term. You can't afford to be old yet."

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

"If I knew what our 401k was doing maybe I could sleep."

'There's nothing wrong with entering magazine sweepstakes - but have you folks considered any other retirement plans?'

'You have to think long-term. You can't afford to be old yet.'

'Unfortunately, this, here, is still a mystery.'

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

"You can afford to retire at 65, but you'll need to die at 70."

"The good news is thet a number of GPs have agree to take action on a number of dangerous 'lifestyle' issues..." "And the bad news?..." "They've decided the best way to reduce their risk is by retiring!"

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

'75% of our resources are taken up dealing with the aged and infirm...and that's just the staff!'

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

"Do you have a get better soon card for someone's retirement investment?"

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

The 'Jesse James' retirement plan for procrastinators.

"As a Baby Boomer, I never thought the boom would be the sound of my retirement accounts collapsing."

'I've found an Inheritance Tax loophole!' - Immortality.

'Sir, I'll need to see more than a birthday card to prove you're sixty five.'

'Retirement plan? Well, every week a dollar of your salary goes toward the purchase of a lottery ticket.'

Social Security is unable to support the weight of America's baby boomers.

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

'No offense, but you guys with your nine lives really blew the pension fund!'

Took Professional Financial Advice - Please Help!

'If you want to learn more about our retirement plan, pick up some brochures at your local Social Security office.'

'The best time to start to think about your retirement is before your boss does. It's never too soon to think about retirement planning.'