Early Retirement Planner Gifts

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

'It's a questionnaire asking why you're interested in early retirement.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

Day trading.

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

Best Places to Retire

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

I accepted an early retirement buy out and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."