Future Early Retiree Gifts

'If you do hire me, how old will I have to be before I can take the early retirement?'

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

I accepted an early retirement buy out and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

"When they said the NHS was 'from the cradle to the grave' I didn't think they meant we couldn't retire until we were 108..."

'What do you mean retired? You're only four years old!'

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'And, lastly, I'd like to thank Chuck for his years of service. He'll be leaving the company next month to spend more time with his cash and cash equivalents.'

GPs to be encouraged to offer advice on 'lifestyle' issues

worker sign: weeks to retirement changable 2078,

'When I grow up, Grandpa, I want to be just like you...retired!'

"Can't imagine retiring. It's bad enough being semi-retired."

'Oh, not much. Well, still dabbling a bit in commodities futures.'

'And this last chart illustrates why none of you are here anymore. Questions?'

"He was just a year away from retirement."

'I'll do half of it.'

'It was an early-retirement offer I couldn't turn down. They threw a pile of money my way, asked me to disappear in a puff of smoke, and before they could change their minds, I was gone!'

'We really don't want to say goodbye. So, as a retirement gift - we're upgrading you, so we don't have to!'

"Dad, raise your hands to the sky."

"Have you thought about early retirement?"

"In recognition of your long service, we'd like you to have this clock you've had your eye on since you walked in here all those years ago."

"You call this social distancing?"

'One day, I plan to quit my job and settle down with a good book.'

"Let it go. I was thinking of taking early retirement anyway."

'I haven't gone to lunch in eight years, so they're letting me retire one week early.'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

"Since the downturn we've ever had bankers switch careers and come to work for us."

I'm practicing for retirement - one hour every day.

"Some of you have opted for the Early Retirement Package."