Pension Planners Gifts

"...if you set aside 2% of your salary for your pension you can retire at 97."

'Beatrice, we may have to postpone our retirement plans. According to this I've accidentally been playing a stock market simulation game for the past twenty years.'

'I need a bigger nest egg.'

Pensioners Ahead

"Complaints about the industry have gone through the roof!"

'If we both work and set aside ten percent of our annual income, we can retire at ninety.'

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

Tipping Pain Chart

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

"I'm now too old to produce milk, and I can't afford to retire as yet, so I've had to diversify..."

Frosty, the Golden Years

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."