Pension Planner With A Twist Gifts

"Could be better. How's your retirement plan going?"

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

401K

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Frosty, the Golden Years

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

Someone loses his pension.

"I'm now too old to produce milk, and I can't afford to retire as yet, so I've had to diversify..."

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

Do not resuscitate.

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."