Pension-loving Planner Gifts

"A 12 month tour of the USA costs us less than staying at home for a year."

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

"I'm now too old to produce milk, and I can't afford to retire as yet, so I've had to diversify..."

Someone loses his pension.

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Frosty, the Golden Years

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Do not resuscitate.

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"