Pension Planner With A Twist Pillows

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

401K

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

"I'm now too old to produce milk, and I can't afford to retire as yet, so I've had to diversify..."

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Someone loses his pension.

Frosty, the Golden Years

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."