Retirement Planner With A Twist Pillows

"I'll be okay when I retire. I'm maxing out my 401(K), stepping up my IRA contributions, and three times a year I bury two duffle bags filled with unmarked bills in my backyard."

No we don't have a retirement plan, but we give you time off to buy lottery tickets...

'I realize this might be carping but I never did live long enough to enjoy my IRA account.'

"Remember, son, it's never too early to start saving for retirement."

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

401K

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

Frosty, the Golden Years

"I'm now too old to produce milk, and I can't afford to retire as yet, so I've had to diversify..."

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

"Can't imagine retiring. It's bad enough being semi-retired."

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Do not resuscitate.