Retirement Planner Pillows

'Run! 73 million baby boomers are about to retire!'

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

Though he had been retired for only three days, Marilyn was already growing tired of having Clyde around all day long.

"The good news is thet a number of GPs have agree to take action on a number of dangerous 'lifestyle' issues..." "And the bad news?..." "They've decided the best way to reduce their risk is by retiring!"

'I'm afraid we've had the results back and it's bad news...he could live to be a hundred.'

"Do you have a get better soon card for someone's retirement investment?"

'You know, you're a very expensive employee because we have to contribute to nine retirement and life insurance plans for you.'

'No offense, but you guys with your nine lives really blew the pension fund!'

"Early retirement is an OK long-term goal, Kevin, but most folks need to get a job first."

Private pension scheme not expected to do as well as originally anticipated - please help!

Company Share Price - "That was when the stock market heard you were retiring, sir."

'How dare you mention long-term bonds to me, young man!'

"We're just planning for our retirement."

Senior Smart Home: "Sell me and rent an apartment!"

101 Ways to Play the Old-Person Card

"This morning, I looked into the mirror and said to myself, 'Bruce, you're a billionaire. It's time to stop horsing around and enjoy life a little.' "

Chasing Pensions

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

"That's our new pension plan."

"When they said there was a substantial penalty fro early withdrawl, they weren't kidding."

"It looks like your private pension isn't going to yield as much as we originally anticipated...I'm afraid you'll have to go on collecting nuts for years."

'Well, Carl...I'm not sure how to say this...but, your 401K is so low, you actually owe us money.'

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

"Marie has been planning for my retirement for years."

I know I don't have much saved up, but I really need to retire before the end of the month.

'I'm having my leaving do now as I'll be too old to party by the time I retire'

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'You know you're getting old when your mail fills up with offers for hearing aids and mobility chairs.'

Pension Advisor.

'That's your retirement plan, to buy a lottery ticket each week?'

'Sure, I had a retirement plan: Stop going to work.'

'What dividend-paying stocks do you recommend to tide me over between student loans and social security?'

"How long is it now to your retirement, Potter?"