Pension Planning Gifts

"You can afford to retire at 65, but you'll need to die at 70."

'Why would anyone want to be an old age pensioner sooner rather than later?'

'It's a questionnaire asking why you're interested in early retirement.'

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"I've looked at all the options and there's no pension plan we can afford that will look after us in old age. . ."

"People are unsure as to why they should continue to invest in highly paid fund managers..."

'I can't explain it, but somehow, when I walk past here, I feel strangely insecure.'

The kids are long gone and, frankly, I need the income

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

Best Places to Retire

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'