Pension Management Gifts

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

Old man finds an IOU note in a safe marked 'social security trust funds'.

Social Security, The Movie!

Work Reinstatement/Retirement

"Great! According to this pension calculator, I'll only have to work an extra sixty hours a week to survive in retirement!"

"The technical aspects of the 'dashboard' are mainly resolved. Now we just have to sort out the peripheral services."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

401K

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

Someone loses his pension.

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"Let me make this perfectly opaque..."

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

"Normally after 365 years we'd be looking at a better figure, but not when you've only worked one day a year!"

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Rolling Over a Pension.

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Mismanagement Consultant.

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'