Retirement Planner Fan Gifts

"But the best part of all this is that I can FINALLY quit worrying about whether I've saved enough money for retirement!"

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Frosty, the Golden Years

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

"I'm now too old to produce milk, and I can't afford to retire as yet, so I've had to diversify..."

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

Pre-nuptual Nativity

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

"Can't imagine retiring. It's bad enough being semi-retired."

Do not resuscitate.

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

"Rapunzel? She bought a time-share in Costa Rica. I'm Larry."

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

"Since he retired I try and give him something to do around the house."