Retirement Plan Commentator Gifts

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

401K

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

You're fortunate to have reached your Golden Years. You want the Golden Handcuffs or Golden Parachute?

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

'Next on 'evening shouting match'...is it a bull or bear market?'

Your friends pooled their retirements to buy you some super sex. I'll take the soup! Hey, I like soup.

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

Frosty, the Golden Years

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"I'm now too old to produce milk, and I can't afford to retire as yet, so I've had to diversify..."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'Jeez! I never realized just sitting and trying not to look stupid was so exhausting.'

Do not resuscitate.

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"Can't imagine retiring. It's bad enough being semi-retired."

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your 401k is?"

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."