Retirement Readiness Guru Gifts

'I'll need a doctor's permission before I can allow you to see your 401k.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

Roasting the Moneybox

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

401K

'My purse! The original 24-hour pharmacy.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'Admit it,Oliver-you're getting old.'

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your 401k is?"

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

'The man you're replacing had some objections to the early retirement program.'

Toast Pops Out of Piggy Bank.

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

Pension planning for Brexit

'I pleaded with Old Mother Hubbard to make adequate provision for her retirement.'

Ah -- You must be a capitalist swine.

"Forget keeping all your eggs in one basket. What you need is a nest egg..."

'You're lucky, you're one of our few employees that will live long enought to earn a pension.'

They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

"Some of you have opted for the Early Retirement Package."

'No offense, but you guys with your nine lives really blew the pension fund!'

"...if you set aside 2% of your salary for your pension you can retire at 97."

"It's great that you showed me how to get my 401K to roll over, but now it just plays dead."

Fortune Telling: Retirement Planning.

"Take my life - I'm saving my money for my old age."