Retirement Wizard Gifts

'Have you thought about aging slower? Your 401(k) is in terrible shape.'

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Profit

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"There are the arts, the sciences, agriculture, and commerce. Stick with commerce, if you know what's good for you."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'This boy you call my son doesn't care about investments, economy and money. I want a DNA test.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

Smiling businessman with rising profits

Money exchange

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

'And this is my strategic money reserve.'

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"