Retirement Readiness Guru Pillows

'I'll need a doctor's permission before I can allow you to see your 401k.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

Roasting the Moneybox

401K

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'Admit it,Oliver-you're getting old.'

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your 401k is?"

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I pleaded with Old Mother Hubbard to make adequate provision for her retirement.'

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

'The man you're replacing had some objections to the early retirement program.'

Pension planning for Brexit

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."

'You're lucky, you're one of our few employees that will live long enought to earn a pension.'

They're rich but not in a glamorous way. They're Certificate of Deposit rich.

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

"Some of you have opted for the Early Retirement Package."

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."

'No offense, but you guys with your nine lives really blew the pension fund!'

"...if you set aside 2% of your salary for your pension you can retire at 97."

"It's great that you showed me how to get my 401K to roll over, but now it just plays dead."

'Forget it, sonny. My power of attorney is all sorted out.'

"There's more to being a pensions adviser than just handling the figures..."