Pension Guru Gifts

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

Jack of all trades

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

Will work for ETFs

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

The economy.

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

E.U. Banking Union.

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"Invest in technology."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

Wall Street Couch