Retirement Cynic Gifts

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"VP J.D. Vance called Donald: 'cynical asshole,' a 'moral disaster,' a 'total fraud,' an 'idiot,' and suggested he might be 'America’s Hitler.'"

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

Body Language Expert - 'You don't like your job do you?'

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Famous Oxymorons...

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

'This Libor rate scandal gives new meaning to the term 'Fixed'-rate mortgage.'

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

Banker stepping into 'New image' in 'Savings and Loans' office

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

'Confused about your future, depressed, lacking confidence, not sure who you can trust...I'd suggest you avoid any election news and watch modern family instead.'

"Trust me, there is no subsidized lunch."

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Jones, Needham, Pinkner, Fortney - Just doing their jobs.

'My goal is to be a failure and accept a colossal golden parachute.'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

"To increase consumer optimism, we're going to put Prozac in the drinking water."

The Fed: Problems and the solution.

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

"Would you say your politics are middle of the road?"

So, you'd like a battery of unnecessary tests that aren't covered by insurance .. Are you sure about this? Doctor-Assisted Financial Suicide.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

The first accurate poll.

'I hate my boss!...'

'I see you hold degrees in eating, sleeping, AND mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the other college graduates who have applied.'

'Dad, is it true what they say about lemmings following each other off a cliff?' 'If they work at a company like mine, it is.'

"Call me a cockeyed optimist, but I think we can fool all the people all the time!"

It's an unpaid internship, but it's good experience.